To the City of Hopes

Past two days made me realize what I was missing since I left Pune, the city, I thought I had no connections with, even after living for more than two years there. Busy giving all the “ATTENTION” to THE MBA, I really didn’t care about my longing, to go back there and to see the people, with whom I’ve shared a lot – joy, trust, surprises, fear, anger, anticipation and much more!!!

Now at the end of the course, in the repertoire of getting a nice placement, after a year-long brain- incineration, beat with a terrible break-up, falling apart of the relation, shattered by the fact, that I no-longer have the person (Grace) who knew me more than anyone else, I could almost hear my heart and mind scream to go back there, to the city of hopes (for me), to see what I had actually left there and forgot!! To meet all of them, who celebrated with me and gave me their shoulders in the times of despair, who would listen to me for hours without judging and would be the best masti-khors (as they used to call me) with me. People, with whom I could talk about everything, without holding back even in the sub-conscious mind, I could disclose all my fears and agonies. As big an emotional fool I am, always playing stupid; never letting go of any opportunity to go to Delhi to see Grace (sometimes, even twice a month) and sometimes not being able to go, despite of wanting to go so much; the accidents; the happy weekends; through all the ups and downs these people always watched my back. 

Saturday morning, when I reached the apartment, I used to stay in; I went almost running to my ex-room (guess, that’s the word). And the first thought that came to my mind was of Grace who used to visit and stay with me there. The very thought made me sick to the stomach and all the memories of her being with me came rushing. All the intentions of staying in the same room after almost a year vanished in seconds and I couldn’t go back in there for the rest of my stay. Let alone, going in that room, entering the house made me think twice ever since. 

I met Vishal, Kaushal, Sheryl, Kanav, Shikha and Shekhar - all the people I wanted to meet and everyone touched my soul in some way or the other. Everyone met me as if I left just yesterday and the year in-between didn’t ever happen, as if I had been with them all the time. 

When I met Vishal, It was just the same as he dropped me off at the railway station while leaving Pune; he came to pick me, as if he had just gone for a ride and came back. When we reached our place, I never felt that I was gone for a year. But Vishal Sir, why did u take that road to home? I used to take that road only when I go to pick up or drop off Grace at the airport. I was again in my “Ahmedabad” state of mind – sad, irritated and emotionally vulnerable. We reached our place – C-202, Poorva Residency and it felt exactly the same – the eye-dazzling cleanliness of the place proving Vishal’s skepticism to clean all of it by himself yet again. Why didn’t it surprise me at all! Vishal Sir, I missed those Friday night “liquid diet” sessions at Mini-Punjab and the Highway Restos, and those late night philosophical discussions about life too.

Seeing Kaushal wait for me at Rainbow Plaza felt just like the way it did when I used to pick him up while going to office or for “Gedi”. The same jacket hanging on his arms, which as soon as I saw, I told him, that I’ll take it with me this time and the laughter that followed. The same orders at the resto he ordering those weird smoothies and the never ending discussions about J. Krishnamurti, he advocating them and I either evading or detesting the writings. The discussion always ended with me admitting that I’ve never read a single word written by Krishnamurti. I asked Vishal to take the bike and stuck with Kaushal, the two of us walked home. I did almost all of the talking and he just kept listening to me, and all I had to discuss was Grace. What happened, how it made me feel throughout and what’s happening now? I told him about everything I had experienced, all the urges to know every small detail, what’s happening at her work, home, friends and every small thing about her. He listened to me saying that over and over and as always, finally told me what he felt and made me think yet again. All that created a complete chaos in my mind, to think how to deal with it and not what I wanted or what it used to be. Never did he tell me things which I wanted to hear – just to calm me down – rather the things which really should have been told to me to come to terms with the situation.

Sheryl, you made me wait again. Grrrrrrrr…why is it always you that everyone ends up waiting for!!! We three were staring towards the bus-stop almost popping our eyes out of our heads waiting for you and there comes THE Sheryl, swaying his arms in his near perfect zombie-walk, with hair like Alice (remember, that She-engineer with huge, triangular hairstyle working with “Dilbert”). As soon as he saw us, started to crack jokes and the first one was about my college batch t-shirt. I’ve never seen him bagged down with anything – work or studies or any crap that life throws at people. I always loved it about you the most u moron (yes, that’s for you, u ass).

Kanav, as warm and good-natured as he always has been, came in the evening when Kaushal, Sheryl and I were busy discussing the Indian Economy like anything (aah, how much did I miss these discussions, other than the fact, that this time I was much more informed – Thanks to Dr. Dholakia!). Narrating the dinner instances with his would be in-laws, telling how he hogged down 3 margaritas at dinner, Kanav’s laugh took me back to the Mysore training days, when he and the whole group would forget all the tests and test-results laughing over something stupid which he did and bragged about to all of us – dude, I still remember that mail u forwarded to the Board Room mail address rather than Kartik’s. 

Shikha & Shekhar, when I received your call in the volvo on the way to Pune, I was hardly able to make out what u were saying. Did I tell you, I could only make out your giddy laughter on being excited that I was coming? I had just texted Grace, to which she never replies and I was almost on the verge of throwing my cell phone out of the bus due to irritation, when u called and your call just saved it. I can’t tell how happy I was to hear from you and to hear u so happy! All the while we were up talking till late next night at your place; I realized what I was missing since I left. Everything came rushing back, the fights we had in Mysore, the shopping we used to do in “Loyal World”, movies etc. I don’t know how to describe the feeling of being with the two of you. And, to tell you guys the truth; you are my first friends whom I visited after they got married. I was about to tell this to Shekhu when he dropped me off, but I don’t know why, I didn’t. I don’t know, when we would meet again, may be in Pune, may be in Bareilly or in Jallandhar. Let’s see, how it unfolds.

While returning from Pune, I realized, meeting you all was what I needed to charge me up. It lifted my spirit and now I’m all charged up again to face it all whatever is left of my stay in Ahmedabad. Being to the city again, I realized, how much I missed it, the roads, the rains, the pot-holes, the shrewd autowallas, the restaurants, a gedi in E-Square and Central, cutting at the tapri, the pot-bellied thullas looking out for non-MH vehicles and everything…I hope, I’d come back soon, this time for a week, after getting over with the course and do all the stuff I intended to do in this trip and couldn’t..!!!